Monday, March 28, 2005
i dunnoe wat u want. seriously. u go from one extreme to the other. wat m i supposed 2 do? follow ur every mood swing? if tt is wat u want, i can tell u here and now tt i cant do it. i m incapable of lowering myself to do everi single ting u wan mi 2 do. i m human too. i haf mi own mood swings too. yet u cant accept tt. wat do u want frm mi? i m not ur puppet. u cant move mi ani wae u want 2.it gets tiring and frustrating. i m already veri tired. juz let mi b, will u?
- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 6:12 PM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
i have good news for you. you have officially managed to make it here again. what can i say? apart from the fact that you are no longer the person i knew, and apart from the fact that i m starting to give up trying and just let things be, let your misconceptions continue and whatever that you think is right. i look back and wonder, what made you change so drastically? your answer would probably be that everyone changes. but this change is so drastic that i cant take it. i always knew you had other preferences, and i accepted that. but sometimes it still sucks to see them. i have always known they existed and let them be for the benefit of someone else, but there is only so much i can take. i cant show my feelings. i have to hide behind this masquerade of happiness and cheerfulness, even when i am damn bloody angry and pissed. even when i m dealt injustice. even when i m hurt. i still have to put on that nice mask and show up at that masquerade smiling and laughing, when in actual fact i just want to get away from everything, spill everything to someone who will listen and just let it all out. but that is impossible. even the people closest to me are people i cannot tell. i m stuck. i just cant find a way to let everything out. i cant talk to anyone. all i can do is just let everything be, let everyone else but myself be happy, by killing my own spirit and individuality. is that how compromises are made? at only one person's expense? the pain will fade if i let everything be, but by then, everything about me will have faded. i myself would just exist as part of the background. just existing. not living. maybe there are others who care about me. but my life is practically controlled by you. so what if others care? so what if they want to help? they cant. no one can. no one will. the only person that can help this situation is the one that created it. hence this situation will never be resolved.because you will never know how miserable i feel. no one will. and no one will ever manage to get me out of this big f mess. i m trapped. i m tired of this masquerade. i just want to take off the mask and leave. but is it possible? i don't think so. i just want to get away from all this pretending. it gets tiring. i just want to leave all these pain and worries behind... is that really impossible?
- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 11:34 PM
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
its my life. can u stop dictating my every move? do i even have the freedom to set a foot out of doors without your knowing? do u haf to know everything about what i do, where i go , who i mix with? do i even have the freedom to have emotions, be angry, show that i am angry, vend my anger when i am angry, make my own choice of what i want and do not want to eat( of all things)?answer : NO. As children, we must listen to what adults say. everything they ask us to do is correct, is the only way. It is the one and only RIGHT way. As children, we must respect your elders to such extent that we must be their puppets, letting them control us any way they want to, even if they are biased or not. Why? the answer is simple: because we are children, we are smaller, therefore adults have more authority than us, so we must follow all their rules.wtf. damn pissed. i m so damn f-ing pissed tt i m swearing on my blog for the first time and prob da laz time. i nv tot i wld c da dae where i was so pissed tt i m juz swearing mi ass off. budden... the dae has cum...(PS sorry for so much swearing. i just have to get it all off my chest or i will get into trouble by venting it on something or someone eg my sister or my bolster maybe??=P... see, i feel better already...:P...)
- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 11:12 PM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
2 more daes to end of term... okie la... not end of term... end of lsns...=)... damn fast... veri soon can slack liaox... lolx...
shld b studying physics now.. budden dun feel lyk it leh... budden damn scared fail sia... sigh... contrardicting miself again...
after 2dae... i confirmed one ting... i m not da onli blur person among mi frenz... 2dae wave at so mani ppl all nv wave back...-_-''''''... gt grow taller... muz b i too short... den dey cannot c mi... =P...
mi com dusnt lyk mi... on sunday wen i was doin mi bio and chem and physics den da keyboard decided 2 go on strike... den in da end hafta use da on screen keyboard...=S... den later in da nite wen mi dad use den da keyboard working liaox...:S...
i know i am over it... but everytime i see something similar... it hurts so much i wonder... if i am just lying to myself... - da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 6:43 PM
